To Erase Or To Not Erase?

Today the question was posed to me..

"If you knew that things would turn out the way they have with (the b/f), would you still go into it or would you avoid it completely?"



I honestly have never thought about this, although it seems very logical that this would be one of the first thoughts a girl would ask herself when a relationship feels like it is disintegrating. I stared and stared as if something in the distance would provide me with an answer, or perhaps a voice in myself would speak up loud enough for me to hear...?

"I honestly don't know"... this was my response.

The bestie and I always like to look on the educational side of an experience. I always believe that no matter how horrible a situation or event or person, there is always something to learn and help guide you in your future. The motto i like to live by is "No Regrets". Drein likes to look on the brighter side of things and think of the good times because they were worth it. But today, there was doubt. She couldn't think of an answer either.

Let's backtrack.. today was an okay day. I had a seriously high moment and then a seriously low moment. This evens out to just okay. Anyway, the low moment happened when i left the bf's house after dinner.. i cried. This seems to be a regular occurrence lately. Even at my low moment i still didn't have an answer to the question. Would i redo this relationship again knowing what i know now?

To be fair, it's not "over".. it's just in question as of right now. He asked me yesterday what the "break" was for.. to find what i need to find or to just make it easier to break up? *sigh* i gave an honest answer; to find what i need to find in and about myself. the hard part to admit, though, is that i really didn't know how to answer that question either. Some days i do want to be broken up, other days i'm not sure exactly what i want but i have yet to have a day where i know i want to stay with him. but i still can't positively say i want to be without him.

Is it worth it to keep what i've learned and experienced over the last five years? Or is it to my benefit to never have loved and experienced what i have with him? i forgot about this today but i guess i chose this answer nine months ago when i got my tattoo. (The complete explanation of which will be up in a later post). The words in my tattoo are polish. The b/f is polish. I didn't get my tattoo BECAUSE OF him but rather, i incorporated a piece of him into it because of what he helped me accomplish during a very hard time in my life. I knew full well what i was doing when those words became part of my design. I spent a significant amount of time thinking of and designing my tattoo and i remember saying that, "Even if we aren't together, i won't regret getting this because he was there at a significant time in my life and that's what this symbolizes. Whether we stay together or not is something different because i know that i will always love him and i won't regret it".

So there's my answer i guess. Would i erase everything and never remember?.. no. There's always something to learn and to grow from.

If you would erase a moment or a person or a relationship then how much of your life would you not have ever experienced?