today i slept a lot. i haven't been feeling well for a few days now, and yesterday i destroyed my abs in the gym so my body is all around uncomfortable right now. on top of that, i'm emotionally and mentally drained.
i feel myself drifting farther away from the bf but, that's my own fault really. i don't know if i'm preparing myself for the end of the month, if i just don't want to deal with the situation right now..? my mood just changed. i guess it doesn't help that he's jealous that i've made friends with Mr. Marine. we're like best friends now. he gets me and it's ridiculous how alike we are. i love seeing him every weekend because i feel better... buuuuut, i have been talking to Army Boy alot lately as well. i know him from elementary/middle school and he kind of disappeared for a while. then one day he just looked me up and we've been talking pretty much every day ever since. he takes my mind off my troubles, he makes me laugh, he's there when i need him.. and yes, i'll admit, i do have strong feelings for him. i do take him into account for why i'm a bit distant with the bf as of late. ( i know a lot of service guys by the by).
anyway, Army Boy isn't the reason i'm in need of venting. or even my bf situation, which does bother me a lot though. it's that, i did some things today that should make me feel good and i don't.
normally, when i'm in a shit mood, i bake. i love to bake, and cook.. it's my dream to one day have my career as a sex therapist and come home and make dinner and dessert from scratch. in heels. pearls or some type of fine jewelry. and lingerie
but today, i baked blueberry streusel muffins and afterwards, i still felt unhappy. i'm always happy after i bake. well, i guess i can't say always anymore. so, this is the first instance.
the second is, i helped a creature of nature. i was out walking the dogs and i came across a little bird on the sidewalk. it was being covered with ants so i scooped up the little bird, who had the softest baby feathers, and i took him back to the house. i got bitten by the ants too. that actually really hurts. so i looked up on google about what to do because i certainly didn't want him to die. thats not something i need to deal with right now. google told me to put it in a container lined with paper towels and put it back where i found it. the amount of feathers indicated that it was learning how to fly and wasn't very good at it so he landed on the ground but that the mother would still continue to feed it outside the nest. and so, thats what i did. but why didn't it make me feel better? i did the right thing. the parents surrounded me when i returned with him so i know he'll be okay. but why don't i feel better about doing the right thing?
maybe i should take my own advice and interpret my feelings as a sign. even though i know i'm doing the right thing, it will be like honesty; the best policy but not always the easiest action to carry out. is it too much to ask to see how everything turns out...?
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