so i was talking to my old boss the other day, trying to gain insight into my problem i recently had with the bf and her story intrigued me. it got me thinking.
her response was a story of a guy she dated while she traveled to New York. she traveled there for business every few weeks and i guess 'she was really into him. the first day they met they got along really well. " it's just one of those things where you know right from the first moment that you're going to have a relationship with this person". and then.. BAM! he says... " i just want you to know i'm really upfront about my life and you need to know that i'm an Evolutionist. i don't believe in dating just one person". and, to my surprise, she totally didn't care. she thought that a guy who could be totally honest like that was great and she knew that he would never lie to her. long story short, they broke up because she wasn't traveling anymore.
i asked her about the relationship itself and she said, "i was in CA most of the time so why would i get mad he dated other girls while i wasn't there? he was honest about it and even though i knew he dated other girls, he always made me feel like the only one in his life while i was in town. and you know, after i had started dating (current boyfriend) and i went to NY for work, it was really hard not to call him because our relationship had been so good in the past".
she told me this story because of the honesty factor. she said that i have been honest and upfront about my friendship with Army Boy and maybe i'm too honest. too honest in the sense that the bf can't deal with it. i want to be recognized that i haven't been hiding it and all i'm met with is mistrust. her old bf was honest and she accepted him. i'm honest and i'm not accepted but instead i'm punished.
then it was a tiny snowball effect and i got to thinking...when in my life have i been really happy in regards to relationships? and it was funny because it had always been when i had a boyfriend and then a guy best friend who was like a back up boyfriend without the sexual intimacy. like two boyfriends at once. my first boyfriend and my best friend (who ended up sleeping together). then that same boyfriend and his best friend (who i had a tiny thing with). then my boyfriend and another friend. and now the bf and Army Boy (not necessarily happy all the time but both of them in my life is nice). so...if i've been happy when i've had basically two boyfriends, does that make me an Evolutionist?
then more snowball effect..
humans are the only species on the planet (technically there are 11 other species, most of which are birds) who stick with the same partner for life. it's unreasonable and unfair to both parties to think that one person can give you everything that you need. it's unreasonable because everyone has shortcomings and it's unfair because it sets the couple up to fail over stupid problems. if jealousy and possessiveness weren't factored into the equation, i think my boss's old boyfriend had a valid point and above all else he was HONEST about it.
and still, after all this thought...i still don't know what to do to solve my problem. i'm back in limbo. my ring is off, we don't really kiss, it's kinda awkward hugging...i'm so lost as to my next step.
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