so i decided that because my real life isn't dramatic enough, i should start writing down my dreams. and i've had this thought for a while because my dreams are really bizarre sometimes. entertaining but bizarre. what made me finally decide to do it???... well, here's dream #1 to kick off the new part of the blog haha (hopefully you picked up this whole paragraph is full of disdain and sarcasm)last night i dreamt about Army Boy. why am i not surprised? doubtful that i've mentioned this but he's been gone for about a week doing national guard stuff up about 4 hours from where we live. anyway, i dreamt about him and it was awful! the sad thing is this isn't my first dream about him that has ended badly, unfortunately.
(oh! i should mention that he was played by Bruce Willis for a little bit of the dream haha!! but i knew it was him. then he went back to looking like himself and Bruce Willis disappeared.) ok so my dream...
i found out that i was pregnant. i was so happy. like really, genuinely happy to be having his baby. now seeing as he's far away, i didn't want to tell him over the phone or through text message so i decided i wanted to go up and see him, tell him,go home and then wait for him to come home from his lil' side trip so we could talk further. this didn't exactly work out. i tried txting him all day to see if we'd be able to meet or whatever because i had something really important to tell him. it couldn't wait. nothing. nothing. nothing. all day that asshole ignored me. then i get this txt message that goes kinda like this
"the real reason i'm going up to sacramento is to see this girl cherry. she's a top and when we play it's better than with you. i've known for five months that she's pregnant and i'm really happy. wait til i get home to talk to me"
omg... i died. i'm not sure why but my dream sort of transitioned into me running. i'm not sure if i was running to something or away from that text but i ran through this huge courtyard that had many different openings to different little hidden places. i kept trying to find a quiet place to sit because i was just bawling my eyes out. ran past this garden and it was a wedding procession. ran to another garden and people were taking photos. finally i got to this courtyard that was really windy but no1 was there and all there was, was a tree in the middle of this garden and it had four cement walls. i sat down and just cried and cried. pink flowers just blew everywhere.
i finally met up with Drein and told her that i needed to make a doctors appointment that minute. i couldn't have his baby knowing that he didn't love me. he was having a baby with this other chick and for 5mos didn't say anything. i just couldn't have his baby. loving him so much. i finally got to the doctors office and it was dark and small. signed my name on the login sheet and as i was signing papers i couldn't see. i was crying so hard that i started to have a panic attack. i couldn't see anything in front of me and i was crying while gasping for air. i started to fall to my knees and Drein just helped me to the ground...
then i woke up. and this part's the kicker...i really actually was having a panic attack. i woke up and could hear my voice and i really was crying and gasping for air. i just didn't have tears. once i kind of figured out i was in bed it was so hard to breathe normally. once i did i just layed there for at least thirty minutes. i got up to pee and then after that i stood in my hallway, trying to decide if i should get up or not. then i walked back into my room and covered myself in my blankets. i felt so utterly dead inside. obviously i wasn't really pregnant and obviously i wasn't signing papers to have an abortion...but i felt so dead i didn't even want to move.
well that's my dream...told you they tend to lean on the bizarre side..
i told Army Boy about it. he said sorry as i was explaining how i really wanted the baby. as i was reading my txt messages i started to cry. it felt like i had just woken up and my heart had been broken like in my dream. my eyes burned and i was really sad.
not sure if this means i want his baby or if it relates to wen he asked me if i was okay with "sharing" him but i think my dream definitely proved i have intense feelings about something
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