Gathering of Thoughts..

so i wrote a post that followed the grad party incident but i didn't post it. it's really raw and full of honest emotion. i felt that it was a bit too intense to share, even with myself.

but i'd like to recap life since then. and i swear i need to start writing things down more often because i've been staying up at night thinking to myself and i can't remember what i'm thinking when it counts.

since then i had my special birthday party. overall it was successful, minus the puke in my sink. a reminder why alcohol is such a bizarre thing to be legal. it inhibits the brain in such a way that being a drunken buffoon is thought to be ok versus marijuana or ecstasy which really just makes everyone love one another. strange how the legal system works. anyway...

other than my party my mom was gone for a week. that was lovely. i got to spend time with Army Boy and Mr. Big (new name for the ex...if you watch sex and the city you'd understand the reference). both of them wanted to take my time for themselves. i didn't mind it just that i hate having to say no to someone so when i had to say, "i cant i'm doing XYZ" i always felt a bit bad.

i also just got back from 2 days of hiking. we camped next to a waterfall. it was me, Mr. Big, his friend Jim and his gf Nilou. they're older.. 28 and 26. they're kind of nature, art, big beard and boots kind of indie. i don't even know if it's indie. o and brett haha. we hiked four miles uphill to the campground and settled in. basically smoked all day and night and played awesome ass music while chillin by the fire next to the waterfall. it was pretty epic. then we relaxed and had lunch. smoked a nice fatty bowl and headed out. the hike out was nice because i just got really zoned out on the massive amounts of trees and the constant running stream. then i realized that pink floyd would be amazing in the forest...and they were!!!! haha. also saw a rattlesnake pretty close up. i was excited. basically it was nice overall minus the uphill battle.

also today i started my first day as receptionist at de palma terrace. sundays are slow but all my elderly people were so excited to see me that it outweighed how tired i got because there really wasn't much for me to do.

other than that, summer school has started and thus begins my countdown until i'm out of here. that's the scary part tho. i'm planning on reading alot when i'm gone. i seriously need to expand my mind more. i feel like i've gotten dumber with my vision. i don't see the world the same anymore but instead i see it like the collective hive would see the world (yes that was a treky statement but whatev!). i really need to start seeing the world through my eyes again...if i can remember how i work.

i'm kind of afraid to come back. i don't know how much my thinking or feeling will change while i'm away and i guess no one ever really knows the impact of change until they come back to the place that has changed...