i, of course, chose my parents because all my friends know already that i'm leaning more and more towards women each day it seems. kind of funny in a way but not really because i actually meant every word i wrote. it was jokingly said to me in a text that my letter would probably be true...and it was. now, i was a bit high when i wrote it but i reread it again the next morning and it's so explanatory in the beginning that i can tell it's sincere. i was nervous writing it.
my thought process going into it was that it'll be easy because there's no right or wrong way to write a coming out letter. you just write one. but as i was writing it i kept thinking to myself over and over that my parents, more specifically my mom, wouldn't really understand. obviously all i've ever brought home are boys and my whole life i've gotten in trouble because of guys so it would stand to reason that i'd be heterosexual. but as i tried to write it all i could think was...will they understand that it's still me? that really the only thing that's changed is a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend? it's still me...i'm still me...if they can love me yesterday and today even though i've put them through hell, then they can still love me now that i'm exposing myself as a lesbian. they always just wanted me to be happy and if i'm happy then they should be too...it's still me.
so here's my letter. i did have a specific girl in mind when i wrote it...obviously that's lauren. it's weird because as i read it and thought about it later i got a bit teary eyed because as much as i try and say that i basically hate her because of how she used me, i still miss her. i miss that i wanted to wish her a happy birthday but didn't because she didn't wish me one. i miss that i'll probably never be able to have a girls night or a double date night because i just refuse to even talk about her and her bf...i mean, it's hard to look at her bf in the face because i know my feelings for her were genuine and because all the times we were together she made the first move, i know that she isn't being honest with herself. and i'm sad for her. i'm sad that she may have felt safe enough to disclose to me and it basically blew up in her face and she shut me out. and now because of everything, we probably won't ever be able to be friends again.
anyway, here it is...
This letter is something that is hard for me to write. I want to start out by saying that I’m still me. I haven’t changed at the core values you’ve taught me. I’m not in any trouble, I still have goals to finish school, have a career and make a worthwhile life for myself. The only part of my future I’ve planned to change is so I can be the best person I know how to be…to be happy.
An essential part of my happiness is something I hope will not hinder your happiness but instead would make it grow because I will feel complete. My search for happiness that I’ve struggled to have for a major part of my life not only affected me and my well being but also the relationship of the family and of my friends…I now know what I was missing through those rough years
.
I hope that if this news isn’t what you may have wanted to hear, or even may not want to accept, I would hope that your hearts would be open to still loving the daughter you’ve raised and being proud of all the accomplishments I’ve made. Because that will never change, I will always be your mija.
Except that now, a piece of my identity I’ve wanted to share with you is that I am a lesbian. She is the person that brings light into my life and I would hope that you can accept her and love her just as you have loved and accepted me all my life.
I love you very much Mom and Dad,
Teresa
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