i'm scared of writing what's going on for two reasons:
1) i'm not sure if i've progressed how i would like
2) i have to admit some harsh truths to myself
but reading from my inspirational bloggers i think i can do this.
i'll do a summary i guess:
The Ex
we broke up officially, then decided we could talk, then we were talking too much, then broke up again, then decided what will be will be. we're too good of friends (best friends really) to not talk. sometimes it's like nothing is going on and other times its such a painful awkward turtle situation that the oxygen is sucked out of the room. he wrote me a letter expressing everything he felt, i misread something he miswrote and got so drunk i yelled at him for around 4 hrs. i cried until i almost had a panic attack. very dramatic i know but i couldn't help it. since then tho, the next day in fact, everything went back to being honky dory. for right now it's nice i guess but of course, that's just for right now.
Mr. Marine
we've had an interesting development as well. he got on my nerves so much that his friend had to intervene. it was getting to the point where i hated seeing his text messages pop up and we were so passive aggressive and physically aggressive that it was making other people uncomfortable. in the end, he was told to suck it up. he and i wont have a relationship and he needs to stop being a baby. end of story. since then i've kept a bit of distance just to be safe. he seems to be handling it well soo... we'll just hope it stays this way.
Army Boy
(i really wanted to label him in red cuz it's his favorite color but it was already taken and it's the only color that would fit the title it's already with.. o well.) anyway, this might be the shortest summary only because the only thing i have to say is...... I REALLY LIKE HIM! yes we have things to talk about when he moves back home but, i really don't wanna get into that. it's one of the reasons i stopped blogging in the first place. for now, we've gotten alot closer and i see myself doing things differently because of him. he makes me sigh because really, i have no words. and.. i like that.
now for why i stopped blogging...
i stopped blogging because i felt like i wasn't making a difference in the things i wanted to change. i realized i can still be made mad very easily and that my temper hasn't gotten any better. i still have the desire to do things but not the motivation to get them done. and with school, i set out to be productive, after all, this is what i've been waiting for all summer. for school and work so i can have something to do and look forward to and focus my energy into... its partially there. but, i let setbacks get the better of me and i'm not as far as i'd like to be in my goals. and instead of sitting here talking about it i could be out getting it done. and i'm not. which, i'm not bitching about how it sucks. i'm just simply stating that i haven't progressed how i would like and i'm not quite sure what to do to kick my ass into gear. i think that would solve all of these issues... i just don't have the answer yet.
and two- the harsh truths. well, it's an extension of reason one. my setbacks have gotten the better of me and i'm eating and drinking my feelings away. it's nice, except that i'm totally wrecking my body which, hopefully i can start blogging about that solution. hopefully it'll be posted soon but for now, i just have to wait. and you'll just have to wait for the rest of reason two's explanation. the harsh truths will come out when i deal with them and i fully intend to keep them locked away until i'm ready to deal with them. when will that be?.. when i know, you'll know.
but, i also realized that i was bogged down so easily because i wasn't blogging. you kind of forget how good it feels until you're not doing it anymore. fingers, although very necessary for every day life, were the keys to my feeling better all along. i just need to use them again...
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