Fairy Tale

In every fairy tale or children's story there is an obstacle that has to be overcome before the reward at the end can be had. Fairy tales always seem romantic and filled with excitement. Sadly, this isn't the case if a fairy tale were to be an actual event.


I guess my fairy tale is, I'm basically in love with two people. It's not hard to guess who. The problem is, I thought my obstacle for my tale was just that I had to figure out things about myself while in the midst I was hoping the boy problem would work itself out. Well, it's not. It won't and I'm a fool for thinking it could work this way. My actual obstacle it seems has stemmed from yet another conversation I've had with the ex just a few days ago. I've been holding out on this post but it's exploding inside me and I feel like I need to purge myself of all the anger and sadness built up around this "situation".

Basically the ex sat me down and told me everything he feels. And when I say everything, that's exactly what I mean. Aside from him loving me and all that that entails, a new twist added was..


I'm only being given a certain amount of time to figure this out before he gets ready to move on. I'm pretty sure I'm being given until December, maybe christmas time, and then he will propose. Yes, i said propose. If i say yes then that's that. If i say no, he needs to remove himself from this situation and move on with his life.

God i felt like I had so much more to say and now i'm drawing a complete blank. It's like the situation we're in has become our whole life. We argued about it again today because of the problem it presented in his mind last night. We try to freely talk about other things like we're friends but a little road block seems to insert itself and a whole day can be ruined. Not only am i bipolar but he's starting to say things and do things that don't match up. He wants to not care and at the same time we need boundaries. It's a mess and it feels like quicksand. I really don't know what to do.

I meant it when I told the ex that if we got back together i would put my promise ring back on and consider us engaged. That's a little different than, in a few months you have to decide if you want to be my fiance or not.. How will I be able to decide in a few short months what has only gotten messier all year and in recent weeks?

The ex was right in basically everything he called me out on. And he even said that I wasn't crying because i'm sad, i'm crying because he was right. He also said something that I don't think will leave me either. He said that with everything we've been through this year (some stuff i haven't put in the blog which actually has a big impact on our tale) and with all the changes he's made for me and himself, everything combined proves his love. He's stuck it out so far and only kept trying when i've been pushing him away. If all of this doesn't prove how much he loves me then nothing will because he can't show me any more than he already has. And he's right. But with all of his growth and changing and acts of devotion, why can't I give up on Army Boy and go back to what i have?

And the thing is, the ex is a sure thing. I know i will have the life i want with him because our goals are the same. He can make me extremely happy and I'm not sure anyone would be able to do that but him.


So why can't I stop growing closer and falling more in love with Army Boy and just let the ex move on with his life?