I Hate Mondays.

I really do hate Mondays. It started out nice but really fizzled towards the middle and now that it's ending i'm really upset with my day overall. I woke up at 12:30 in the afternoon. I really like waking up in the afternoons. It's quiet and relaxing. All the morning buzz is gone but it's still too early for school children to be coming home and making noise and being obnoxious. It's really a nice time of the day for me. I was supposed to see the bestie today.. didn't happen. I didn't do my one errand I had planned for today but that's because I just didn't care after that. I watched old episodes of Grey's Anatomy.. some of my favorites though. Oddly enough, it's the one I always cry at but, i like it anyway. Then my mom came home and i pretty much just wasted my day waiting to leave for dog sitting. Don't get me wrong, my job is fabulous and i know i'm very lucky to have it but.. being here at 6 every night and just hanging by myself with the dogs can be very.. trying emotionally. I've been doing this since the end of May and i'm still not done. I love love love my alone time but... this has been an abundance of it and it's really starting to wear down on me.

I'm alone.


The point of my soon-to-come separation from the bf was to help reestablish myself on my own. Live on my own instead of as a couple. So.. i'm already starting to do this. I go out with whomever and do whatever and don't have to answer for it. This is really nice and something i like very much. What i don't like is having nothing to do. If i ever had nothing to do, it was usually at the bf's house and we would do nothing together; youtube, netflix online, etc. Essentially waste time together. But now i have to waste time alone if i can't see my friends or my bestie. I always text Mr. Marine but texting all the time does leave moments where we have nothing to talk about so we cease conversing for an hour or two until we're both bored and text about how bored we are. In the case of Army Boy, well, he's ten hours ahead which makes conversation a little bit hard as well. My day time is his night time and vise versa. Staying up all night is the only way we can talk or if i happen to be awake early in the morning because then it's about 9 or 10 at night his time. This means that most of my day i go without talking to him. Also, his internet isn't very reliable and he kind of works during his days (my nights) so.. it's unrealistic trying to have a set schedule with him.

What bothers me the most about all that i've just said is, it's easy to just say "go out and do something". But what the hell am i supposed to do? I'd love to go to a baking class or an art and crafts class of some sort, but that takes money and i'm ridiculously short on that. So that's out. Why don't i read? Well, why would i do that in my free time when i can do that while i'm sitting the dogs? Why don't i go work out? I can only work out so much before i'm bored and even that only takes up an hour and a half. That leaves the rest of my day. I absolutely love television! But even that now is starting to bore me. I used to draw. And paint. I've lost all my ability though since i haven't kept up the training. I can't reteach myself proper proportions and technique unless i have a guide to show me and i can't afford a teacher right now, either. What to do, what to do, what the fuck to do?... Doesn't help that a huge chunk of my night is confined to a house.

I went skinny dipping today. That was a fun experience because i'd never done it before. Couldn't help wish that it would've been a ridiculous TnA moment though. I think i'm just scared that what will happen is, i will be alone for most of my time being single and it wont be enjoyable and to the full extent that i'm hoping it will be. What's the point in having skinning dipping moments if there's no one there to make it fun?

Overall today just stunk and i'm really bummed that i honestly have nothing to do with my life. I feel like my friends have jobs and are busy and are doing fun things and i'm just me with only myself and i'll be stuck that way...