Make a Wish

so yesterday was the ex's birthday.. we're on friend-ish terms so of course i go out to dinner and drinks with our small best friend group. everything was fine before, during and a little bit after dinner. it's not until it's just me and him outside by my car that things change. (everything happens by my car.. maybe i just need to get rid of her lol)

anyway, i'm saying goodnight and he's shaking. i felt so bad because i had no idea what he was so worried about. apparently two nights ago he had a dream that shook him up and he really needed to ask me a question. so he asks and i answer honestly. crappy part is, my whole night is ruined. it's his birthday, but not just any birthday, it's his 21st so it's kind of special. i really don't want to be discussing whether or not i cheated while we were together. even though the answer is No i didnt, it still leads to one thing and then another and of course he asks me if i have come to a decision of any kind about how things are.. i'm still in the middle. then i completely shut down and i really just stare off into his shirt, the sky, the sidewalk, pretty much anything to avoid looking at him. i guess i looked angry because he just sighed and let me go home.

even right now i really don't know what to say. or think. or do. i kind of want to go over to the pan of birthday brownies i made him and eat the flame from the gel candle i drew on the top of them. if he's satisfied with how his birthday went then i want to use his birthday candle wish and use it myself because this is definitely not how i wanted to end my nite.

we're allowed to use other people's wishes right?